Shown above is a design & drawing I did for a "book fair" for the Sunday Flea Market at The Substation circa 1992 - which I never did submit to the organizers, always being chickensh*t for not wanting folks to be in a spot for having to reject my designs hahahaha
I guess I had always has been like this since youth, facing constant rejection in it's myriad forms … I was just not strong enough to persevere … through the years I've since grown a thicker skin (which is essential for getting your works "out there"), while at the same time knowing quite clearly how my "skill level" is/are, compared to my contemporaries (which is just as essential, in case your head implodes due to self-arrogance lol) … and after a good many years of achieving being able to execute my creations and designs, I now "evolve" to being my own "client", producing and creating my own projects, under my own terms and ability. Be it via editorializing my blog, or creating a fanzine, or collaborations with other artists, I have finally found a "groove" where I can indulge in LOL
Some would argue this is naive and not practical for survival, and I would be the first to agree! But at the same time, the boiling anguish for the need to create something of my own, outweighs everything else, even the practicality of earning a decent living - something I need to address very soon, as I cannot afford to indulge in my dreams for long - and I am blessed to be able to do so, so far, in however little ways I can. I do not need to change the world to prove my worth, I just need to change MY world.
The notion of "legacy" has been weighing on my mind for quite sometime now, since my late Father's passing nearly a year ago, where he had asked me to do a book about his life, which I felt was to be a legacy to be left behind for folks who cared.
I am an average person with average intellect and not a particularly stellar body of work, and might not necessarily have a C.V. worth shouting to the skies about, BUT what I hoped my legacy will be - however "selfish" it may seem - is/was that I was able to "live out my dreams", however limiting they are/were, even if they were in my own mind and world LOL